broken pieces of me…

The more you do, the less you ARE

Okay… I need to post… something … anything! It’s been a while… it’s been since … July 29th?! Why didn’t anyone tell me?!

This is what comes of a full-time job during the day and too many projects for friends and family at night. No real “me” time. I grab a few minutes here and there to play some WoW because it’s a great de-stresser, but in no stretch of the word can I be called a hardcore gamer.

Ever feel like the more you do, the less you ARE? Those words have been running around in my head almost since my last post; “The more you do, the less you Are“. A disturbing thought, but it feels true. I have so many projects on the go that have very little or nothing to do with where I want to be in life, and they’re bogging me down. But, you see, I have a very VERY hard time saying “no” to certain people. Family members, forget it… the only way I can say “no” is to tell them that I have HUGE project already on the go… and even then it’s not “no” it’s … “I’ll get to it later, when I can”.

Don’t get me wrong… I don’t resent my family at all. I love them so much it’s hard for me to keep from trying to please them. I just finished one project for my grandmother (scanning in her 35mm Red Hatter photos so that she can put them into her digital picture frame that we got her for her birthday and show her Red Hatter friends), as an example, and already she’s got another one for me (scanning Red Hatter photos from a scrapbook so I can add those to the SD card that goes in her digital frame as well). Le sigh. It’s not like they don’t appreciate the work I do for them either, my grandmother, again for example, is very thankful and she always lets me know that if I’m stuck and need a drive anywhere, she’s available. Very useful for someone who doesn’t drive.

So I enjoy being appreciated… and someone might say that I’m addicted to it and that’s why I let them pile these jobs on top of me, but I do feel suffocated. I have to take time off of my full-time day job just to get ahead on some of my personal jobs.

I wish that I could just quit my day job and do my hobbies for a living. I mean… I’ve got enough of them. Listed here:

  • Sewing
  • Baking
  • Chainmail Jewelery
  • Beaded Jewelery
  • Fimo art pieces (mostly beads and jewelery bits at the moment)
  • Digital graphics
  • Flash graphics and animations
  • Photography (new one, so I’m still learning)

Though I know I’m probably forgetting something, but those are enough to list for here for now since you may not be that interested. :)

In any event… that’s enough of my ramblings for now. I actually have to start doing some work. I have a new banner project that’ll be easy and quick so I think I’ll do that first, and then I have another pain-in-the-butt project that I can actually complete now, so I plan on having that one done either today or tomorrow. These on top of all the admin and finance stuff I have to do that pop up during the day… it’s a wonder I get anything done really!

At least yesterday the bossman gave me a compliment. I closed the MSN window now, but it was something like “It’s a good thing that you’re organized”. He had asked for the number he had to call in regards to something that had been stolen from him. He needed to cancel service on it and I had tried to do it for him late last week, but didn’t have access to that particular account so I gave him all the info then but he lost it. I replied with the number, his account number with that company, and the phone number and name (his AND the company name, so he knew they might ask for both) that it is linked to. Last week I was out on a vacation day on Monday (trying to get caught up on projects), and then I was out sick Tuesday and Wednesday (I hate stomach flus!)… when I got back on Thursday I was talking to one of the girls and said something about the office falling apart without me (I had a little mountain of things on my desk as well as a ton of e-mails) and she said that someone actually said that while I was home sick.

So yeah, one of the things I demand in anything I do for others; appreciation. You may not understand how long it takes me to do something, or how hard it is to manipulate the forces working against me when I take on a project, or how difficult it is to adjust mid-stream sometimes because you want it changed in a particular way… but the very least you can do is appreciate my blood, sweat and tears.

Okay… now I’ll start doing work. I have organized the Accountant’s folders already, in between typing this, and now I’ll get to work on some graphics for the pain-in-the-butt project.

Here’s hoping that, no matter what it’s like on the outside, you have a bright sunny day on the inside.

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